wake up in the morning feeling like P Diddy.

Well, to be honest, I don't really know what waking up and feeling like P Diddy feels like exactly, but I couldn't think of any other title to go with this post. 

Cause, surely, P Diddy must feel like shit when he wakes up every morning. 

Obviously. 

Well, that's certainly how I felt this morning when I woke up. My eyes were all blurry, I could hardly see what was in front of me (which I later found out was my son, eager for Pop-tarts and milk), my head was spinning, and my body ached all over. 

I tried to think of all the things I'd done the previous night, all the things I'd done that could possibly result in feeling this bad - had I overdosed on tequila? Had I passed out due to something random and been used as a punchbag by my kids and husband?, cause I certainly felt like it.

"Jack, get off me," I growled, my voice having not yet kick-started.

Jack, as obedient as a dog, leapt off the bed, allowing me to rub my eyes and sit up properly. I still felt like shit, but with a little more room.

I got out of bed, put on my slippers and shuffled out of the room. 

"Mommy, can I have my pop-tarts now?" 

"Wait."

I placed one hand on the counter and rested against it, waiting for my vision to be restored. Whenever Jack piped up I'd pipe him back down again, with two simple words: zip and it. 

My vision just didn't seem to restore. I'd wipe my eyes, close them for a few seconds then reopen - I even tried to stretch them open with a couple of pegs from the laundry basket.


"Mommy."


"..."


"Mommy."


"..."


"Mommy."


"..."


"MOMMY, PLEASE MAKE ME MY POP-TARTS NOOOOOWWWWWWWW!"


"NYAH!" 


He scared the fucking hell out of me. I leaped up, eyes wide, limbs flailing. 


I thrust the plate of pop-tarts at him, and he smiled in satisfaction and gratitude, before walking into the living room to watch Spongebob Squarepants. 

So, I suppose you're wondering what the outcome of this pleasant story is? Well, it's advice, if anything: If ever your eyes are blurry and won't restore your vision, get your son to scare the crap out of you. It seriously works.